Friday, September 21, 2012
The working life: Keeping us safe
I had to go to the courthouse today. I remembered being told I could not bring my Swiss army knife in the last time I went, which was to pick up copies of our wedding license, as I was unwilling to pay the county $20 to stick them in an envelope and mail them - how much are those clerks making, anyhow, that it costs $20 to mail something? The guard saw my knife on the x-ray and told me I couldn't bring it in. I took it back outside and hid it in a planter.
So today, I thought I was so smart. I removed my knife from my purse before I left work. Ha! They can't get me, I thought.
But when I went through security, I got stopped.
"Do you have a tweezers in your purse?" the deputy asked politely.
Well of course I did. Doesn't every woman carry a tweezers for those chin hair emergencies?
I removed them. I removed the nail clippers. Good for fingernails, although now that I do not have an office but a cubicle, clipping my nails is not something I can do at work. It drives me crazy to hear all the chewing going on around me. People here snack on celery and apples, not chocolate, like normal people. Chocolate doesn't make noise. I do not want to contribute to the din by cutting my nails.
The deputy shook his head.
"I'm afraid you can't take those in," he said.
"Why?" I asked. "Is it illegal to give someone a pedicure in the courthouse?"
He smiled. "You may leave them outside, you may leave them in a locker for 75 cents, or you may leave them with me to become property of the sheriff's department."
I rolled my eyes.
"There are some good hiding places outside," he offered. "On the window ledge. Don't tell anyone I told you."
I went outside. The ledges were at eye level and stark. If anyone saw my stuff there, they would be sure to steal it because who doesn't keep an eye out for an extra pair of tweezers?
But there were some cracks in the concrete at the base of the wall at the corner. I looked around to make sure nobody was watching me - there were some poorly-groomed women who were undoubtedly waiting to pounce, bent down, and placed the tweezers and the clippers carefully in the crack.
I went in, did my court business, and came out.