The alarm went off so, so early this morning. I was in a deep sleep, solving all sorts of big problems but of course I can't remember anything now. SH didn't come to bed until very late. He has been working on a huge, huge project that is overwhelming and consumes every single minute of his time. I am now the backup person in his life. I am glad to do it for the duration of this project. If it turns out well, it will be a very nice career move for him. I want to support him.
But I am getting tired, as well. And we don't even have kids! Honestly, all drugs should be legal. Can you imagine how much easier it would be to get things done if you could do a little coke when you got home from work at night? And then take some whatever it is that helps you sleep later in the evening? All I know is that there are drugs that make me gain weight and make me lose my hair but there are none that make me sleep. Codeine makes me sleepy, but it won't let me sleep. So insert your drug of choice here.
This morning, I got up. It was pitch dark and quiet. The cats have finally learned that no matter how much they cry, I will not let them out of the basement when I get up. Cats can learn boundaries. You just have to be very, very, very patient.
I put my clothes out the night before so I am not rummaging around the bedroom, disturbing SH. Even if he weren't a factor, I would set everything out the night before. I want to optimize sleep time and minimize decision making at 6 a.m. I have never understood people who have a hard time getting out of the house in the morning because they can't find their shoes or don't know what to make for lunch.
YOU DO ALL THAT STUFF THE NIGHT BEFORE. It is so obvious.
So I had put out my boots, which I was wearing for the first time this year. I decided they are not so uncomfortable that I had to wear my ugly practical Clarks to get to the bus stop. Usually, I wear the ugly practical Clarks until I get to work, then change into the pretty, decorative Ferragamos. I do everything in reverse when I leave.
But today, I wore the boots. Which meant I had extra space in my gym bag. (It also meant I had to walk a lot slower, so in the future, it will be ugly shoes to the bus stop again.)
Which was perfect because one block from the bus stop, I noticed - it was starting to get light - that someone had ripped out her tomato plants and left them by the curb.
They still had perfect green tomatoes attached!
I stopped, bent down, and packed about a dozen into my bag.
They fit. They are heavy, but they fit.
Then I proceeded to the bus stop. Got on the bus. Put the gym bag on the seat next to me until after the stinky space hog guy's stop. Took off my hat. Put it in my lap. Read my book.
Got off at my stop. Got to my desk.
Realized I had forgotten my hat.
I called the bus company right away.
Of course nobody answered. Because nobody is at work at 7:30 in the morning. Except me and half of the Midwest.
(I wrote to a novelist whose character, who works for a magazine publisher in New York, to ask if it was just fiction that people don't go to work until 10 a.m. there. She said she had asked - she is also a Midwesterner and was as shocked and appalled as I was.)
My idea was to call them and reach the driver, who was almost at the end of the route and about to take a 15-minute break, to ask him to run back and grab my hat.
They don't start answering the phones until NINE O'CLOCK.
To quote the Crazy Laundry People, "This is not New York City. This is Milwaukee. People here get up early."
So now my hat is probably gone forever. It will be stolen. Just like in "My Fair Lady," when Eliza says darkly, "I think they done her in for her hat."
And now I realize that the title of this post really doesn't apply, but there you go.