Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Marriage 501, Lecture 54: We're going to be late
This is how it works at our house.
SH and I agree to attend an event. Or to go to the airport.
Let's use, for example, the decision to attend a movie on a worknight. I.e., "Skyfall," which I agree would probably be better on a big screen than on our TV.
Although let me back up for a second:
If we are late to the airport, I have trained myself not to care, at least when we are going so SH can catch a plane. "It's not my problem it's not my problem it'snotmyproblem" is the mantra I chant to myself as SH gets increasingly frustrated with TRAFFIC! Who knew there would be TRAFFIC on the way to the airport?
I do not like being around tense people and tension. I come from a low-drama background. SH is used to seething tension and frequent explosions.
If SH misses his plane, it's not my problem. And if he misses a plane to his mom and dad's house, well, tante pis. Shrug.
But - if we are going to the movies, which we have done once in the past three years, I think, then I want to be on time.
In college, my boyfriend was always late (well, that's my memory, anyhow) in picking me up to go to the movies. I hate missing the previews. I also hate missing the beginning of the movie. Sometimes, we were going to a movie at Greenway Plaza, which would mean previews. Sometimes, we were just going to whatever they were showing in the Chemistry Lecture Hall. I don't think they do that at Rice any more. Now, the students hang out at the very fancy, expensive new rec center, which might be why tuition is now $35,000 a year instead of $3,900 a year (and that included all fees and our blue books - it was a shock to get to grad school and have to buy my own blue books. They weren't expensive, but I showed up for the first test without one) like it was when I was in college. Even though I emerged from college in debt, it was only (only!) $13,000, which was less than my starting salary of $20,000 (with 11 paid holidays and full insurance coverage with no contributions from me).
Where was I? Oh. With the college boyfriend, who was a sweetie, we were always late to the movies, which annoyed me to no end, mostly because I hate missing stuff but also because the reason we were late was because he was always helping people with their physics homework. On a Saturday.
"Just tell them you'll help tomorrow," I would say. "Nobody has to do homework on Saturday night." Of course, they did it anyhow. I went to a nerd school. And of course many of those nerds have started technical companies that have made them wealthy. Maybe I should have been doing physics homework on Saturday.
So. SH and I decided to go to a movie. The movie started at 6:30. I got home from work at 5:30. When I got home, SH came downstairs.
SH: I think I'll go for a quick run.
Me: Now? [Casting doubtful look at clock]
SH: Sure. There's plenty of time. Hey! What's this? [Indicates package I brought in]
Me: I think it's the new [fluffy, not made in China] sheets.
SH: Was it UPS? I didn't hear the doorbell.
Me: I don't know. It was by the door when I got home.
SH: What if they're made in China?
Me: Then we return them.
SH: I have to see.
Me: I thought you were going running.
SH: I have time.
5:45 SH has gone back upstairs and has come back downstairs.
SH: I guess I need to go running.
Me: Do you think there's time?
SH: Of course!
He puts on his running clothes. He goes back upstairs to get his mp3 player. He checks his email.
5:50 SH leaves.
6:00 He's gone.
6:10 He's gone.
6:15 He returns
SH: That wasn't bad, especially considering I haven't been running since the half marathon [in June].
Me: We're going to be late.
SH: No we're not.
Me: Yes. We are.
SH: It doesn't start until 6:30. I guess I should get in the shower.
SH: I'm sweaty! I haven't had a shower in two days!
Me: You've been sitting at a desk for two days. You're not dirty.
SH [sniffs armpit]: Yes, I guess it's OK. And if I'm sitting next to you and you don't care, then it doesn't matter. But I need to shave.
Me: We are going to be late! We're going to miss the previews!
SH: So what? We're only late if we miss the beginning of the movie.
Me: No! I want to see the previews! [Which I now know were a complete waste of time. Apparently, the theater near our house thinks "market for people who like stylish British thrillers about a British icon" = "market for people who also like very loud movies/sequels about Transformers."]
SH: I need to shave.
Me: You have got to be kidding me.
SH: I look scruffy.
Me: Like anyone at the theater will care? Just put on a wool cap and you'll look like a hipster dude who's scruffy on purpose.
SH: Fine. [He gets dressed, but only after putting his running t-shirt in the dryer so he can wear it again: "Why would I put on clean clothes if I haven't taken a shower?"]
6:28 We leave for the theater.
Me: We're going to be late. This is all your fault.
SH: I thought you would be happy that I was going running. You're the one who didn't want to walk to the theater. Don't you want me to exercise and be healthy?
Me: Not particularly, at least not now that you are back on your work insurance.
SH: You don't care!
Me: You're making this into my fault.
SH: And I made the bed! And did the dishes! You're not giving me credit for the things I do around the house!
Me: What on earth does that have to do with being on time for the movie?
SH: I was BUSY!
Me: We're going to be late.
6:29 We arrive at the theater
Me: I cannot believe you always do this. You always scrape in by the skin of your teeth.
We walk into the theater. There is a line for tickets/beer. No, they are not separate lines, which is stupid but brilliant - force people to wait in the beer line for their tickets and they'll figure that they might as well buy beer.
I leave SH in the line and find us a seat on a couch that turns out to be very uncomfortable and reminds me why I prefer watching movies at home now.
They don't start the movie until 6:40. Because it takes that much time to sell beer to everyone in line.