Monday, December 17, 2012

Marriage 501, Lecture 32: Ginsu knives


SH: I almost bought a new coffee maker today.

Me: Why?

SH: Because ours will wear out someday. And I saw this really cool one on woot. It has a buzz grinder thermal carafe blah blah blah stuff that means nothing to me because I don't care.

Me: Why didn't you buy it?

I said this with relief. SH, although not profligate, is far more of an impulse buyer than I am. Did we really need not one but three pink rubber fans for a dollar each?

No, we did not.

Did we really need four tubes of wine glasses? Cool wine glasses?

No. We did not.

We are a fully-stocked house. The only item of which we do not have enough is Italian shoes. You can never have enough Italian shoes. But we do not need more stuff. SH is a stuff buyer.

When I asked him why not, I expected him to say, "Because our coffee maker is just fine for what we need and it still works."

SH: Because of the the thermal carafe.

Me: What?

SH: The thermal carafe. You can't see how much coffee is left in it.

Me: So?

SH and I have to alternate coffee days because I don't do so well with the caffeine any more. [See: In which I go to an orthodox Jewish acupuncturist at the drug rehab clinic and discover it's caffeine that gives me migraines.] I make two days' worth of coffee on Day 1 and save half of it for Day 2. On my Day 2, SH makes two days' worth for himself and saves some for the next day, which becomes my new Day 1.

SH: Well, when I pour coffee, I want to make sure I have exactly half the pot left for the next day.

Me: What?

SH: Yes! I make eight cups and drink half the first day and half the second. Don't you pour exactly half?

Me: No.

SH: What?!

Me: I pour one cup and then have the leftovers the next day. It works out.

SH: You are not doing it right.

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