So the latest complaint about me from the Well of Endless Drama, aka as The Vault of Everything Bad Thing CF Has Ever Done (which includes the fact that I am a Bad Bacon Eater and a Bad Christmas Cookie Sender), is that I do not address envelopes properly.
As in, I did not address the thank-you note I sent to these people in a way that they found acceptable.
As in, I wrote "LastName" on the "to" line and "Factotum" on the "from" line.
"Didn't she take your name?" they gasped in horror to SH during the Weekly Mandatory Phone Call.
I rolled my eyes. "Have I ever represented myself as 'Class Honey' to anyone, other than the IRS?" I asked SH. "My facebook page, which your mom and dad have not seen, I hope, is 'Class Factotum.' My email address, which they have seen, is 'Class Factotum.' As far as they know, I am Class Factotum and never changed my name."
[NB Which is why I do not understand - blessyourhearts! - why my friends who are the most adamant about keeping their maiden names are the ones who sent Christmas cards to me addressed to "Mr and Mrs Serious Honey. I have never called myself "Class Honey" to any of my friends. However, I am so happy to get actual mail that I am not complaining. Just wondering. That's all.]
SH shook his head. "I don't know."
I continued. "Besides, aren't they the big progressives? I would think they would reject the patriarchal system that endorses a woman changing her name just because she is married."
"They think you are rejecting them," SH said.
"Well of course I am!" I retorted. "I want nothing to do with them."
"They also don't like that you didn't address it to 'Mr and Mrs John Honey.' You just wrote 'Honey.'"
"I know," I said. "That's how I always address letters to married couples who have the same name. That's how I address letters to my mother. I'm lazy. The letter gets there. Who cares?"
"They care," he said.
I laughed. "And if I hadn't written a thank-you note at all, they would have complained about that. And if I had emailed instead of written an actual note, they would have complained about that. If I had addressed the letter properly, they would have complained about my handwriting. [Which would be a legitimate complaint.] No matter what I do, they complain about it."
"That's because you're not doing it right," he said.
A few days later, he said, as he was looking at a note I had written to a friend, "You don't address envelopes properly, you know."
"Oh for pete's sake," I answered in exasperation. "What are you talking about?"
"Instead of writing '15th Street,' you write '15 St.'"
"So?" I asked.
"That's not right!" he said.
I shook my head. "It's a good thing you didn't talk like this when we were dating."