Monday, February 11, 2013

The working life: The miracle of the purse‏

This photo is completely unrelated to the post. I just love it - I saw it for the first time a few weeks ago in the book my mom put together about my Grandma Sylvia's life. (The one on whom we put red lipstick while she was in her coffin. That my friend Ilene put lipstick on.) That is my aunt holding me in her lap, a bottle in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
You guys, a miracle happened today.

It didn't happen as quickly as I would have liked, but it happened and in the long run, that's what matters. (In the long run, we are all dead, said Keynes or some famous economist. Econ 212 was a long time ago.)

Remember the purse SH and my sister bid against each other for on eBay? And SH ran my sister up $30? And she was ticked and who could blame her and then they were both ticked at me for telling both of them I wanted the purse and I was all, "It never occurred to me that anyone would spend that much money on a Christmas present for me?" 

That purse performed a miracle today.

I go to the Y every day at lunch. I go and I sort of work out and then I look at People magazine and bitterly resent people like Demi Moore who are ruining it for the rest of us. Would she just start to look like she's 49 years old already? I am trying to convince my husband that some flab and fat is normal in a woman my age and then there's Demi, rock hard in a bikini.

Although I will add that I am not having problems keeping my husband, despite my Milwaukee Roll. So there is that.

Anyhow. I go to body pump or to spin or step or something at lunch. And I listen to podcasts that I have downloaded the night before. For one, I hate exercising and I need anything I can to distract me from the drudgery, the tedium, and the horror of exercising. I think most of us would rather listen to a discussion of the potential restructuring of the county board than break a sweat. AmIright?

I also listen to podcasts because I hate the music they play in class. I haven't liked exercise class music since Jazzercise. Body pump must go straight to the well of horrible music with cheap licensing fees. It's pretty clear they aren't spending money to get the good music. (Oh man - I just had a horrible thought. Body pump is to good music as Marty Haugen is to good music! Is there a conspiracy out there against exercisers and Catholics? A two-pronged conspiracy to drive us mad with bad music? I think maybe there is.)

Yesterday morning, when I turned on my mp3 player as I prepared for my seven-minute walk to the bus stop for what should be a one-minute wait for the bus but is usually a four to five minute wait, which doesn't sound that bad but try it when it's eight degrees and windy outside, it went crazy. The lights were flashing and there was no sound. There is no way to reboot this mp3 player - it's a little cheap thingy that SH got on I couldn't turn it off, couldn't do anything. 

I threw it in my purse anyhow, just in case its little tantrum ceased before lunch, and went to work.

When I got to work, I tried turning it off again. No luck. Lights keep flashing and I thought, "It's kaput." I threw it back in my purse. And at lunch, I went to the Y to body pump. 

Where the guy who wears the same purple tank top to class every day was there.

I didn't mention the main reason I listen to podcasts. The main reason is because of the purple-tank-topped guy. He is the Guy Who Goes "Woo!" all during class.

Not just the occasional "Woo!" but constant "Woos!" Constant. Like several times a minute. And between songs. What is there to "Woo!" about between the songs when you are changing your weights?

Usually, I can drown him out or partway out. But yesterday, I had to hear him for an entire hour. 

I wanted to throw my weights at him. Which I could have, because I use such light weights. (See: Why don't I look like Demi Moore?)

I had to hear him. I grit my teeth and closed my eyes and tried to ignore him. And the horrible music. Honestely, Body Pump people. Is this what you listen to at home? Are you deaf?

I finished with class, went back to work, waited and waited and waited for the 2012 final numbers so I could do all the reports I have been stuck with since my boss quit in August, and finally went home.

Whereupon I noticed upon removing the mp3 player from my purse that it was off. I pressed the "on" button and lo! it worked. It turned on! And lo! there was sound! I wept with joy.

The purse had healed my mp3 player. I don't know how. I don't care how. I am just happy that it is done.

The Purse of Gentle Healing is now available for your electronics and appliances that need repair by immersion. Send them my way.


Marty Haugen said...

Best blog post in the history of blogs. Thanks for the shout-out...

Anonymous said...

Is it like Mary Poppins's bag, in that it looks small but you can get a misbehaving washer/dryer combo in there?


Gaylin said...

I wonder if your purse could cure the iPod shuffle that went in the washing machine?

Class factotum said...

Thanks, Marty!

Rubi, I want my bag to hold an umbrella.

Gaylin, send it to me. We'll give it a shot.