Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Marriage 501 Lecture 723: Step 1 assign blame


Again, at 3:00 a.m. Or maybe 3:30 a.m. Or 4:00 a.m. I was awake until 6:50 a.m., noting that the sun was up and it would be nice to be able to walk to the bus stop in the light instead of in the dark. Then I finally fell asleep until 10:00. It is going to be a long day. (I am writing this on a Sunday.)

I have to revisit the Drama of The Finger.

SH: I've had a hard day.

Me: I know. The vomit. My finger.

SH: I know!

Me: You know, you weren't particularly helpful this afternoon.

SH: What do you mean? I kept you from falling when you fainted!

Me: Yes. Thank you for that. But when I first asked you to get me a bandaid, you didn't exactly hurry.

SH: How was I supposed to know I needed to hurry?

Me: Maybe because I've only asked you to get me a bandaid one other time and that was also when I had a bad cut?

SH: But all you said was, "Please get me a bandaid." There was no urgency to your message.

Me: The message itself was urgent! The fact that I asked you!

SH: You should have said, "Would you please get me a bandaid? I've just cut my finger very badly."

Me: I was too busy watching blood run out of my body and concentrating on not passing out.

SH: How was I supposed to know it was an emergency?

Me: How about this? For all future requests, please assume it is an emergency.

SH: What if you ask me for a glass of water? Should I assume you'll die of thirst if you don't get it right away?

Me: How often do I ask you for water? Like twice since we met?

SH: I don't remember. [This is a lie. He remembers everything.]

Me: I don't remember asking you for water, but I suppose if I did, it would be because I am in bed with a splitting headache and don't want to get up to get the water for washing down my painkillers.

SH: Maybe.

Me: Let's focus on the bandaids.

SH: OK.

Me: Future requests = emergency.

SH: OK, sweetie. I'm sorry. I was freaking out when I saw you. Your face was completely white. I didn't know what to do!

Me: I also like how you went straight to assigning blame as soon as I had come to and put on the bandaid. [Which I put on my finger, as SH was about to pass out himself at the sight of the raw flesh. The problem with us is that he is good with his own blood and not with other people's blood. I am good with other people's blood but not my own. That is not a good combination.]

SH: I'm sorry, sweetie! That's how my family rolls!

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