Sunday, March 31, 2013

Marriage 501, Lecture 752: Hoarders






Me: What are you doing?

SH: Looking to see what's in the freezer. It's all a mess! You're not doing it right!

Me: What are you talking about? That's fine!

SH: What's this?

Me: Bread. Rye bread that I made in the bread machine. You didn't like it that much.

SH: What's this?

Me: Soup. Do we have to go through this every time you return from a trip?

(SH is compelled to analyze the contents of our upstairs freezer to see what we have, what we don't have, what might have appeared.)

SH: What's this?

Me: I don't know. Oh! It's chocolate chip cookie dough! I had completely forgotten about that!

(How someone can forget there is chocolate-chip cookie dough in the freezer I don't know. It seems like it would be impossible not to hear the siren call of that salty/sweet combo wafting from the kitchen to the bedroom.)

SH: What's this?

Me: Let me see. Oh man. This is that smoked turkey skin you brought home from Doug's party two years ago. No. It might have been three years ago. Let's throw it away.

SH: No!

Me: What? Why not?

SH: I don't want to clean out the freezer right now.

Me: Who said we would clean it out? I just want to throw away one item - a meat product that has been in there for at least two, if not three years. It's not fit to eat.

(My stupid fault for not tossing it last month when I was looking for desserts I might have forgotten about. Obviously SH had forgotten about it, just as he has forgotten about the phone bills from 1997 that he imported from California to Wisconsin and that I have stealthily discarded since then.)

(Maybe the next time he goes out of town, I'll get rid of the old meat.)

SH: Not now! I don't have time for that.

Me: You don't have time to make a decision about throwing away old turkey?

SH: I don't want to deal with it.

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