Wednesday, May 08, 2013

The working life: Feed me

You guys, I know it's not a good idea to write about my job here. Not that I think there is anyone at work who reads this blog. But as I am the person who always gets caught - speeding, driving without a front license plate on SH's car years after he moved here and never installed one because there wasn't a front license plate mount and he didn't want to mar the bumper (must be a guy/car thing because WHO CARES if there are screw holes in the bumper?) - so I dare not complain about my boss or my co-workers.

Not that there would be anything to complain about.

They are all lovely people who never eat loud foods all day.

But I can complain about work situations that are common to all of us.

(Not that my co-workers eat loud foods all day. But if they did, here is the advice I would give to them: If you must eat at your desk and you are not in an office with a door - which is the new BMW, then please for the love of all that is holy, eat quiet foods. Bananas instead of apples. Oatmeal instead of granola. And NO GUM. Lord have mercy if I have to hear smacking chewing gum one more time, I am going to - well, I don't know what, but it will be bad.)

Here is some work advice for a common situation:

If you are a consultant presenting a proposal to my boss and me, your prospective clients (although seriously? you don't need to waste your time cultivating me because I am not the one who can make the decision about whether we're going to pay $200,000 for your work), then I would recommend that you STOP SCHEDULING MEETINGS THAT RUN INTO LUNCHTIME.

Hear me: if you schedule a meeting to run until 12:00 or 12:30, I will already be ticked off. Not that my being ticked off matters so much, because I am not the decision maker, but my boss will ask my opinion.

If your meeting goes until noon, it means that

1. I don't get to go to the 12:00 body pump class at the gym or the 12:00 spin class.
2. I don't eat my lunch at 11:30, which is when I usually eat it, except for the days when I eat much earlier because I GET HUNGRY. I arrive at work at 7:30 a.m. I do my email and then I eat my oatmeal. By 11:00 or 11:30, I am ready for lunch because it's been a while since I've eaten and I didn't eat a huge breakfast. I don't eat a huge breakfast because it is difficult to transport a decent huge breakfast to work and I don't want to get up early enough to eat a huge breakfast before I leave the house and I am not usually that hungry at 6:00 a.m. anyhow. Not that hunger has anything to do with eating in my world, but I do try not to eat when I am not hungry. I am on an eternal quest to lose that last ten pounds.

Now. You have already ticked me off by making me miss my exercise class.

Then you make me sit in a meeting where I am getting hungry.

And then you DON'T FINISH ON TIME?

Stop. Stop it right now. If you are going to make me sit in a meeting until 12:45, making me miss my exercise class and making me eat lunch late, then you need to bring food.


greatbleuheron said...


webb said...

Of course, as we know .... those things do not happen at your office.

How about returning your phone call at 4:55?

Anonymous said...

You did accept the meeting....I agree that running over on a meeting is bad form. But you can't expect everyone with whom you meet to know your exercise or eating habits. You couldn't possibly please everyone in that scenario.....

Lindy D. said...

"If you must eat at your desk... eat quiet foods. Bananas"
Oh, God, not bananas. I used to work for a guy who ate bananas every day and his office smelled like banana peels. It made me sick. Food eaten at work should not have an odor!