Thursday, August 08, 2013


You guys, I am tired. Wiped out. This working baloney is for the birds. I leave the house at 6:43 a.m. and I return at 5:30 p.m. and the fairies have not cleaned my house or done my cooking in my absence. Nor have they written my blog or responded to the comments, which I hate because I don't want you to think I am ignoring you. Weekends are spent doing laundry and cleaning and yardwork and I know I am preaching to the choir here. You all know. You live it, too.

All I want is a weekend where I don't have to do anything but sleep and read and watch movies. I don't want to talk to anybody or go anywhere or interact with any other living being and yes that includes my husband, even though I love him. Nobody. I don't want to interact with anyone. (Yes I am an introvert - why do you ask?) Even in the best of times, I am not that good around other people for more than 15 minutes at a time. Maybe I should have been a cloistered nun in an order where no talking is allowed.

I need a vacation from blogging. I am taking off until after Labor Day weekend. I don't get a vacation from other things, but I will take a vacation from this. Which is odd, because I really like blogging but right now, with everything else that is going on, it just feels like one more chore. Plus it is the only thing in my life that I control right now.

I love your comments. I love that I have readers who are perfect strangers who have become my blog friends. I hope you will come back after I return and I hope you have a great August.

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Marriage 501, Lecture 75: Competitive

The always winner is in the middle with the big smile. Wouldn't you smile if you always won?

When we were with my sister, her fiance', my brother, and my mom, we played Bananagrams.

Actually, they played and I maintained I didn't want to be involved. I have played games with my family before and it never ends well for me. When we were kids, my sister always won. Always. She has the magic touch with the Yahtzee dice or the Sorry! dice or with any dice. She has some kind of strange charm with games of chance and can influence the numbers to fall where she wills. I don't know how she does it.

I hated never winning (that hasn't changed) so I excused myself as much as possible from family gaming. It worked out well, as Parcheesi and Sorry are really four-person games and we were five. It worked out.

When I saw Jenny and my mom playing this game, I thought, "I want nothing to do with this. I remember my youth. I remember the sting of constant loss."

It was bad enough that I was (rightfully) picked last for every team sport in school. But then to lose games that involved nothing more than randomness was too much to bear.

But I watched. And then M, Jenny's fiance', joined the game. And I saw how it was played. And I saw that he had lots of As and Zs and Vs and didn't know what to do with them.

I didn't want my sister to win.

So I sat next to M and said sotto voce, "Aardvark."

He spelled it out.

I scrutinized the tiles some more. "Woad."

He spelled it out.


My sister looked up. "Hey!" she said. "No fair!"

I smiled. Revenge is so sweet, 40 years later.

Monday, August 05, 2013

Marriage 501, Lecture 747: Vomit

SH: Oh no!

Me: What?

SH: The cats threw up down here!

Me: Oh. [Staying upstairs.]

SH: Would you bring me a paper towel?

Me: For what?

SH: To clean it!

Me: Why don't you just use a rag?

SH: Because there is cat saliva! And cat hair! Do you want the rag to get dirty?

Me: That's what rags are for.

[I have an entire bucket full of rags. That's what happens to old socks and t-shirts in this house - they get cut up for rags. Rags that are intended for cleaning gross stuff.]

SH: Rags are for water and messes like that!

Me: I wash them in bleach and hot water. I think they can handle cat vomit.

[I also have washed cloth diapers before, which SH has not done. If it's OK to wash and re-use a diaper, it's OK to wash and re-use a rag.]

Friday, August 02, 2013

Marriage 501, Lecture 125: The liberal gardener

SH: Why are you calling Kristy?

Me: To borrow her weed killer. I tested it the other night in the garden and it worked, so now I want to get the rest of the weeds.

SH: You can't use weed killer in the garden! Then it won't be organic!

Me: So?

SH: But I'm a liberal! I can eat only organic produce!

Me: Not my problem.

SH: You can't spray!

Me: You have three options: 1. You can get out there and start pulling weeds--"

SH: But I don't want to pull weeds!

Me: Or you can not eat anything out of my garden--

SH: But I like the things from your garden!

Me: Or you can not care.