Friday, February 07, 2014

Marriage 601, Lecture 982: For the want of a nail

Me: I want to go to that concert at the Domes.

SH: But I don't feel like it. I'm despondent.

Me: I don't care. We've been talking about this for three weeks.

SH: But I can't.

Me: Why?

SH: I'll have to take a shower.

Me: Uh huh.

SH: And shave.

Me: Yes.

SH: And get dressed.

Me: Something that most people manage to do every single day.

SH: And then we have to pay to get in.

Me: Six dollars a person.

SH: And then there's beer.

Me: Wait. Are you citing the cost of beer as a reason not to do something?

SH: Yes.

Me: But --

SH: I can't go and not drink a beer.

Me: I wouldn't expect you to.

SH: So that's like twenty dollars!

Me: I think we can afford it.

Later, at the show, a little girl comes up to SH, tugs his pants, and asks, "Are you my daddy?"

My jaw drops. I start to snap, "Of course he isn't!" but then I think, Well, maybe he is. You never know.

Then I think, You jerk! How could you?

Then I think, But she's a cute girl.

Then I think, Wait! This has to be a joke!

SH's friend Pam, whom I have met only a few times, approaches, laughing. "Good job, sweetie!" she said as she patted her daughter's head.

"You had me worried!" I say.

Pam laughs again. Then she buys SH a beer. I tell her that he was complaining about not wanting to come and had cited the expense of beer as a reason. She slaps his shoulder and says, "You can't even use that excuse now."

The end.

4 comments:

LPC said...

Cite this as a datapoint proving the world is at least as benign as it is malignant.

Marsha Splenderosa said...

What kind of beer does he drink?
Hilarious, of course! xx's

Gaylin said...

This is awesome - whoever Pam is, she rules!

Glad you got out of the house and had fun! And woohoo, free beer. (I did a typo at first I typed free bear . . .)

Pam said...

Different Pam, but I'd love to take credit for that. Glad you got to the concert.