Tuesday, May 06, 2014

BIO: The top five things that make me crazy

Marsha has given us the topic for May - the top five things that make you, which is me, crazy.

This will be so easy to write.

1. Waiting. I hate waiting. Hate it hate it hate it.

It's not so bad if I have something to read, but most of my waiting is for SH, who will have said, "I'm just going to get my keys and then we can go," which really means, "I am going upstairs to get my keys. While I am there, I will check my work email and facebook to make sure I am not missing anything. I usually am, so I will probably spend a few minutes answering an email or correcting someone who is WRONG on facebook."

But I do not hear the actual meaning. I hear, "then we can go," which means I should put on my coat and turn off my computer and put my book away. Once the coat and the nice going-out clothes are on, sitting back down on the bed to read more is not an option, as I do not want to get cat hair on clothes that leave the house.

I also hate waiting for the bus. What is the point of a schedule that says the bus will be at 37th Street at 7:14 a.m. if it almost never arrives until 7:19? The bus people have robbed me of five minutes of my life every time I have to wait. That is time I could be sleeping or drinking another cup of coffee. But I dare not assume that today, the bus will be late, as it almost always is, because the day that I am not at the stop at 7:14 is the day the bus arrives on time.

2. Perfume and anything else that I can smell on or around another person. Here's a hint about perfume and scented lotions: You might think other people want to smell them on you, but we don't. If you want to smell scent on yourself, that's fine, but do not wear so much that anyone else can smell you. I do not want to smell your perfume. I do not want to smell your hand lotion. I do not want to smell anything on you except clean.

You might not think you are wearing too much perfume, but you are. I am talking to you, lady at the Gallery Walk last week. I didn't see you at the MSOE museum, but I sure smelled you. You stink. Knock it off with the perfume.

In addition, I would rather not smell microwaved fish in the breakroom at work.

3. Talking on the phone. I do not like it. I would much rather just send an email to someone and wait for the answer and then email again. I do not like talking on the phone. It's too inefficient. It is much easier to communicate information - and much faster - via email.

I have to talk on the phone (or on skype, more likely, at work). That's not so bad because as much as I hate talking to people, I hate being at work even more. So I would rather talk than work. But I would rather read a book than talk. Unfortunately, it is frowned upon to read in the workplace.

4. The bathroom light at work. It is on a sensor and comes on only when someone enters the bathroom. It is supposed to stay on for a set amount of time, which it does, only the set amount of time is very short. That, or I take an unusually long time to pee. More than once, I have been alone in the bathroom, minding my own business, when the light has gone out and I am stuck in utter darkness. I try waving my arms to hit the sensor, but the sensor does not go inside the stalls. This is not convenient.

5.  Getting cat hair off things. I believed when I read that cat hair is one of the most electrostatic substances in the world. I love my kitties, but I wish I could take them to be shaved every few months so I could actually touch them while I am wearing work clothes.

6. Wait! No! Not cat hair! Being cold! I hate being cold! It is May and I am still wearing my winter coat (not the down coat, but still a winter coat) and gloves. Shouldn't I not need a winter coat by May?

7. Another one! I was at the dry cleaner's yesterday and noticed that the men's shirts all had long tails on them. Why can't they make women's shirts with long tails? I am so tired of having my blouse always pull out of my waistband. Are there any clothing manufacturers who care about what women actually want in clothing? Ie, have any of them considered that we might like

1. pockets
2. long tails
3. clothes that are sized properly so we could buy them without even trying them on? SH will come home with jeans and shirts and I will ask how they looked on and he will tell me he doesn't know because he didnt try them on before buying them. He can do that because men's clothes are sized in inches so HE KNOWS IF THEY WILL FIT.
4. 5/8" seams so we can let the dress out a scooch in the hips once we accept that hey, unless I am willing to starve which I am not, this is it.

8. And this is way more than five, but I thought of this at work the other day, when the Big Boss called a sudden meeting ten minutes before lunch - a meeting without an agenda, a meeting that ran all through lunch and hence my spin class, a meeting I did not know was going to last an hour or I would have gone to the ladies' first, a meeting that was not an emergency unless you consider learning that the company is going to spend tens of thousands of dollars on frivolous stuff but no way are we going to pay people a penny more than it takes to get them in the door, even if it means turnover of 40% in my office alone, including one guy who just didn't come back after lunch. And people, these are not temp or unskilled labor jobs. These are jobs that require a lot of training and need smart people with good judgment. Treat people crummy and that's what happens - 40% turnover.

Oh - so what makes me crazy? Meetings. Stupid pointless meetings. When I have a meeting, I invite only the people who need to be there. I prepare an agenda beforehand. I send the materials to everyone. During the meeting, we stay on the agenda. We discuss problems and possible solutions. We decide on next steps. I send out meeting notes detailing what we decided and what needs to be done and who is doing it. My meetings do not waste people's time.

I do not like other people's meetings because they waste my time and now that my grandparents are all dead, I can't even write them letters during the meeting just so I am not totally wasting my time.


Anonymous said...

Gosh, are you me? I am totally with you on 1, 2, 3, 7 and 8. ESPECIALLY 8. I am ready to kill our pastor (in a nice, Christian way, of course) because of how poorly he runs Session meetings. I would be with you on the cat hair, too, but we are presently catless. Or catfree, depending on your perspective.

webb said...

Sign me up, too, all but 3 and 4. Cat-free and work from home so i can leave the light on all day long - well, until the Husband comes in and wants to know if I am "through in the bathroom?" Well, let's see ... am sitting at my desk working. Yeah. I'm "through"!

I deal with 1 by keeping a book on my tablet at all times - whether it's a late bus, late husband, or even a meeting that can't seem to get off the ground ... there is always the book. [And, if i hold it carefully, it looks like it could be work!]

Nothing unreasonable about you at all!

#9 - those darn "prove you're not a robot" squiggly words. Give us back the numbers!

Glamour Drops said...

Thank you for the richly deep laughs! Glad you couldn't stop at 5…too much fabulousness in there to contain it…

Class factotum said...

Anon, we need to pray for your pastor.

Webb, that is the first reason I have heard for getting a tablet that would make me consider it!

Thank you, GD! It is nice to find an outlet for complaining, isn't it?