Monday, September 08, 2014

Goth Girl and Goth Boy, 14

Goth Girl and Goth Boy were not on the bus today, which is why I cannot call them Goth Girl on the Bus and Goth Boy on the Bus, but they had an interesting conversation yesterday about Mothers Day.

(NB I almost slept in this morning, thinking I would go late to work after spending 2.5 hours on the phone last night with Australia, but then I thought, "No! I can't disappoint my friends by not reporting on GGotB and GBotB," but then they weren't even there and I could have slept late.)

GG was saying that she was chastised on Sunday for not wishing her mother a happy mothers day and I sympathized, thinking that I, too, do not like Mothers Day, just as I do not care for Valentine's Day and told SH a long time ago that I do not expect him to observe a holiday imposed on him from without. Valentine's Day is fine for those who wish to observe it and I do not think less of anyone for doing it, but SH doesn't like it and I don't want to force him. It's enough for me that he does the everyday things - cleans the hair out of the drain in the tub, changes the kitty litter, goes to Wal-Mart at midnight to buy and install a new battery for my car (which he did while we were dating). I don't care if I get flowers.

I feel the same way about Mothers Day - it's externally imposed and I am forced to participate not because I believe in it but because I love my mother and do not want her to be hurt that I am not doing it. But if I had my way, Mothers Day would not exist and people would just show their love and appreciation all the time. 

So GG was saying she was chastised for not wishing her mom a happy Mothers Day and I thought, "Oh girl I feel your pain but really, would it kill you to tell your mom that you love her and maybe to spend a few bucks on a card? We all face situations we don't like in life and we do them because standing on principle won't change anything and it will just hurt people we care about."

Then she said that she was going to say something, but by the end of the day, the day was already ruined so why bother? I hope she has had time to reconsider since Sunday and maybe tell her mom that she loves her and that she is sorry for not saying anything on Sunday because again, how does it hurt anyone to do that?

GB said that they went to his grandmother's on Sunday and there were a bunch of relatives, including some people he doesn't like. I can't decide whether it's better to learn at a young age that just because you are related to someone, it doesn't mean you have to like them, or if it is better to have great relatives and enjoy your youth but then be shocked when you get married and discover that some people are real jerks.

I had a nice childhood with nice relatives, so married life has been an adjustment for me, as I had no practice as a kid being around mean drunks or passive-aggressive blind CC'ing emailers. 

Maybe I will see GG and GB tomorrow. Maybe GB will do more than tentatively stroke GG's hair. Maybe her hair won't be covering her face. Maybe she will tell GB that she made her mom a card and gave it to her on Monday.

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