Friday, January 09, 2015

Marriage 701, Lecture 72: How to have a Man Cold vs How to have a cold

If you don't know what a Man Cold is, please watch this video before continuing.

How to have a Man Cold
Ask to have "Soft Kitty" sung to you
Stockpile kleenexes on the nightstand. Fold them neatly with the intention of using them again. Any good environmentalist can get more than one blow out of a napkin.
Moan because you have lost your sense of smell and hence your sense of taste and therefore cannot taste any of the great food that your best friend and his wife are making for their New Year's Eve party
Say that it's unfair. Unfair!
Take drugs, even though you never take drugs when you are at home and your wife suggests such a radical solution. Indeed, you accuse your wife of being a hypochondriac because she always suggests drugs. (By the way, that is not the definition of a hyphochondriac.)
Take drugs again.
And again.
As your wife marvels - in three days, you have taken more drugs than she has seen you take in the nine years you have known each other.
Sleep during the day.
Ask your wife to take your temperature. "I have a fever, don't I?"
Wife does not know if you have a fever.
"But touch my forehead! It's hot!"
Wife notes that as she does not have children, she does not have forehead-touching fever-detection skills and even if husband did have a fever, so what?

How to have a cold if it is not a Man Cold
Get a cold
Blow your nose a lot
Go to work but try to stay away from your co-workers, which is not easy in these days of open plan, one of the greatest evils ever perpetuated on humankind


webb said...

Amen. Flu is about the same ... just add moaning about body aches.

Gaylin said...

Do they still make those 'man' sized boxes of tissues? Back in the '70's they marketed really thick, very large tissues 'just for men'.
Now I have to go out and see if they still exist.
I think not.

Anonymous said...

Laughed so much -- are you at my house? I sent the link to your post to four friends and we had such a good laugh together!

Class factotum said...

Webb, I dread the flu.

Gaylin, I don't know - we just use toilet paper

Anon - I think this is a universal experience for wives!