Friday, March 06, 2015

Marriage 701, Lecture 234: The Monster Va-Koom

Me: Hey. UPS delivered a big package for you today. What did you buy?

SH: A vacuum cleaner.

Me: We have a vacuum cleaner.

SH: Yes, but this is a good vacuum cleaner.

Me: We have a vacuum cleaner.

SH: This is like the one I bought for my mom and dad a few years ago.*

Me: Yes. I remember that you did that.

SH: So I saw this and decided our vacuum cleaner is crummy. I bought a new one.

Me: That means we can get rid of the old one, then.

SH: No! We have to keep both of them!

Me: Why? Why on earth do we need two [actually, three - there is a small vacuum cleaner in the broom closet - wait, four - we also have a shop vac that SH bought the second time our basement flooded] vacuum cleaners?

SH: Now we can turn the old vacuum cleaner into a basement vacuum cleaner.

Me: I see.

SH: We can use the new one on the carpeted part of the basement and the old one on the cement part.

Me: And how long have you been thinking that the rest of the basement needs to be vacuumed? And didn't think that problem could be solved with a broom? [We have been in this house almost seven years.]

SH: It needs to be vacuumed.

Me: I see. And who will do this vacuuming?

SH: I will.

Me: When?

SH: What do you mean, "when?"

Me: I mean, I really don't want yet another piece of junk in the basement gathering dust and your good intentions. I want a commitment and a deadline for the basement vacuuming.

SH: Well how am I supposed to know that?

Me: You plan your haircuts for an entire year based on the Summerfest dates but you can't give me  deadline for vacuuming the basement?

* May I note for the record that SH's parents are not poverty stricken or indigent or financially needy in any way? That they can afford enough booze that hauling the empty bottles to the recycling is something they are not strong enough to do?

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