Friday, March 13, 2015
Marriage 701, Lecture 234: The Monster Va-Koom, my new best friend
SH bought us a new vacuum cleaner.
He ordered it from somewhere - I don't know, I don't pay attention to this stuff.
"This is the same vacuum cleaner I got for my mom and dad a few years ago," he said, which was not exactly an endorsement to me. I don't know why we spent the money to buy a vacuum cleaner for people who have plenty of money. They are not wealthy, but they are quite comfortable and can afford things. They don't worry about money.
Enough about them. They have been creating a lot of drama at our house lately so it's hard to let it go, but I will not burden you with the saga of mean drunk parents who expect other people to solve problems they should be solving themselves.
SH opens the box and assembles the vacuum cleaner. He tells me, "Look! This is how you use the manual attachment! Look how long the hose is!"
I smile as if I care.
He vacuums the rug in the bedroom. Laverne runs away. Shirley inches closer. The noise. She loves the noise.
Laverne runs just at the sight of a vacuum cleaner. Now there are three in the house and they all look completely different, so she is having to learn an entire vacuum cleaner taxonomy, kind of like I know how to say "tripe" in four ways in Spanish (mondongo, huatitas, menudo, tripas) because I want to be sure never to order tripe.
Do not try to convince me that tripe is divine. I have eaten it. I have tried. I hate it. It is disgusting.
SH vacuums the rug. He pulls off the canister and says, "Look how easy it is to empty!"
"And it's so much more hair than the other vacuum cleaner picks up!"
I nod again.
He smiles. "This is a great vacuum cleaner!"
"It sure is, sweetie!" I say. And it is - a vacuum cleaner that gets SH excited about vacuuming? I am in.