Monday, March 30, 2015

Marriage 701, Lecture 345: The couple that shops together makes bad decisions

We got a coupon from the grocery store: "Free bunch of tulips ($7.99 value) with any $10 purchase."

SH and I stopped at the store on the way home from the theatre, where I have been much happier since I started wearing jeans.

I know. I look like a slob. I mean, not slobby for jeans, but slobby for little black dresses.

But guess what?

Almost nobody is in LBDs at the theatre in Milwaukee Wisconsin because it is too darn cold to wear cute clothes that show skin and it's too darn dangerous (and bad for your shoes) to walk on icy sidewalks in high heels.

Now I am in jeans. And man is it more comfortable now. I used to wear cute dresses but would have to keep my coat on the whole time because I was so cold. Nobody even saw the cute dresses.

We stopped at the store.

I very carefully selected a combination of herbal tea, something I drink at work, partially because there is no longer diet Dr Pepper in our machines but even when it was, I needed to wean myself from it, and partially because the closest place I can buy a latte is a five-minute drive and I am not going to drive somewhere by myself to spend $4.50 on coffee. The whole point of spending five or ten minutes getting coffee is to do it with work friends as a ritual and now that I work with almost all men - I have one woman friend at work and she does not drink coffee, I have nobody to ritual with.

Oh sure. My boss and co-workers have Code C every morning and I walk with them to the cafeteria. They get coffee and I go for the company or to get hot water for my tea. The coffee at work is awful. That is how much of a coffee snob I have become since my days of drinking instant. It really didn't take long to go from no palate at all to finding some coffee absolutely putrid.

I picked three packages of herbal tea at different price points:

$2.99
$3.79
$3.99

That's just a bit over $10, right? I have this new computer where I can't find any of the functions and it is maddening.

But my goal was to get as close to ten dollars as possible without buying Jordan almonds by the pound. Oh sure I would love to gorge myself on Jordan almonds, but it does not seem prudent.

I wanted just ten dollars worth of stuff I would use anyhow so I could get some free tulips.

And here comes SH with a shopping basket that contains

CheezIts, which must contain crack cocaine, because I cannot eat just one
Two boxes of store brand Grape Nuts
Something else that I cannot remember and SH is not home so I can't ask him

I look at him with the face of Are You Kidding Me I Thought We Were Trying To Be Thrifty.

"I can put back the CheezIts," he offered.

What I heard was, "I can take your heroin away from you hahahahahahha."

"No that's OK."

"Really. The CheezIts - we can get tea instead of CheezIts."

I heard, "We can get a really boring drink that doesn't even have caffeine instead of heroin."

"No. CheezIts. They stay."

"OK. So you can't blame me for going over the ten dollars. And the Grape Nuts are on sale."

I gave him the look again.

I put one of the teas back on the shelf.

I shook my head.

We will be in the poorhouse soon but at least we will have CheezIts, fake Grape Nuts, and flowers.

1 comment:

Georgia said...

Flowers make everything better!