Friday, October 30, 2015

Life with an engineer # 2,251


I love Shirley.

Those are my shoes. What are they doing there?
I knew you would ask that!
I had them out the other night to go outside because I was wearing my fluffy socks and didn't want to take them off to put on my shoes

You're not doing it right.

I don't wear your clothes and shoes. smile emoticon
you can if you want

It is possible to wear larger sizes than normal, but really hard to wear smaller ones.
we could cut off your heels

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Life with an engineer #651

Me: So the sandwiches that they have been having at work have been coming undressed.

SH: But there was some kind of dressing with the one you brought home. [I brought home half an Italian sandwich.]

Me: Yes but the sandwich was not dressed. It didn't have mustard or mayonnaise on it.

SH: You don't put mustard and mayonnaise on an Italian sandwich!


SH: What do you mena?

Me: The sandwiches don't have condiments on them.

SH: Yes, but they sent a little thing with dressing in it.

Me: It would be a huge pain in the neck to disassemble a sandwich and put the dressing on it at work!

SH: But it came with a knife.

Me: Oh man. You do not get it. Besides, I didn't even see the dressing until after I had eaten half of the sandwich.

SH: How could you miss it? It's right here!

Me: How was I supposed to see it? I didn't know it was there.

SH: But if you go through the box...

Me: Who goes through a complicated [Panera] box before eating? I was hungry.

SH: The first thing I do is look carefully through the box. I don't just grab stuff and start eating.

Me: Whatever. I don't want to talk about this.

SH: Except potato chips. I might eat those first.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Life with an engineer, #657

SH: I threw away the dead flowers and rearranged the good ones.

Me: Thanks.

SH: There were only two, so I had to put them in positions 2 and 4.

Me: Uh huh. 

SH: Although I suppose they could go in 1 and 5 instead.

Me: Sure.

(My favorite facebook comment on this: "He better be kidding about 1 and 5 as an option. That would be crazy without a flower in the "3" position.")

  Me: SH, that comment that my friend David made was hilarious.

SH: Which one?

Me: "He better be kidding about one and five as an option. That would be crazy without a flower in the three position."

SH: Well I said one and five as an option. Of course it's not ideal and I thought I mentioned that before. 

Friday, October 23, 2015

Marriage 801, Lecture 34: Working for The Man

How it worked before I got married:

Every January, I would sit down with my files and pull all the bills from the previous year - phone, utilities, credit card, insurance. I would keep the last statement in each category, the one that showed I was current with the account, and take the rest of the statements to work, where I would feed them into the shredder. I would feel a great sense of accomplishment. I like tidying things. I like discarding the past. I like eliminating clutter. (Except for investment statements and tax returns - those I keep.)

I controlled the amount of paper and clutter in my house and It Was Good. My house was clean and tidy and uncluttered and unpapered.

How it works now:

Every January, I open the file cabinet I had to buy once SH and I were married because there were more files.

I remove the previous year files from their folders and put them in a folder called "PY bills."

I take what was in the "PY bills" folder and put it in a plastic bag, then put that bag into a bin in the basement.

(In January 2015, I kept all the 2014 bills in the "PY bills" folder and put the 2013 bills in the bag.)

I ask SH if he would please consider getting rid of the old bills.

Remember, I am asking this of the man who moved his 1997 phone bills from California to his apartment in Milwaukee and then to our house. In 2008.

Phone. Bills.

From the previous decade. From a house where he no longer lived. In a state where he no longer lived.

The man is a hard nut to crack.

For our anniversary this year, I pulled the bin from the basement.

I asked him to please check through the contents as I wanted to take everything to the shredding day at the library.

And he did it. (Which, frankly, he should not have had to do. Just the fact that 1. I told him it was old bills and 2. he has not had to go into that bin once since we moved into this house should be reason enough and I have to agree with my sister sometimes when she says, "I spent my whole adult life finding someone to marry only to discover that it is a lot easier to live alone" because I managed my financial life very well before I ever got married and I do not like having to discuss this kind of baloney. /Rant over)

And now all of these documents will be shredded.


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Marriage 801, Lecture 95: My husband likes how I look and nobody wants to diet so my classmates and I make a pact not to diet before our class reunion (SH has lost a bunch of weight but he has been totally stressed out and really, it's not worth it)

I have a class reunion coming up.

Of course I want to be thin. Of course I do. Because I want all the men who didn't want to date me to wish they had wanted to date me because look how good I look now.

And I want to be thin so I can wear the dress I so optimistically bought last year when it was on season close out sale at Banana Republic and I thought, "Just a few pounds and it will be fine!"

That is one of life's great lies.

Or, I should say, that is one of Womenkind's - or at least my - great lies to myself, which you think I would know better about by now, as I have finally learned not to believe the other lies I used to tell myself, ie,

1. My hair will look great if I cut it myself
2. If I buy these shoes that are a skoosh too small, they will stretch to fit my feet and I will not be hobbling after only half an hour

You would think I would know that.


1. I like to eat. I like to cook and I like to eat.
2. My husband tells me I look great the way I am. If my husband is already happy, who am I trying to please, really?

But I am dumb. So I posted something on facebook about should I lose 20 pounds by the middle of November or just buy a new dress and guess what people said?

Buy. A. New. Dress. Dummy.

Several of my classmates chimed in and said that they, too, would just buy new dresses rather than try to lose weight because losing weight is HARD. And none of us like to be hungry.

So I was going to buy a new dress but I hate shopping and I hate spending money and then I went to the Upstairs Closet where I put the great bargains I find at consignment that are fab but I have no place to wear and guess what I found?

That cute orange dress in the photo.

And then Lisa advised me on the shoe strategy.

So I am done.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Marriage 801, Lecture 43: A day late a dollar short

1 hr · Edited · 
Me: I finally set up the automatic withdrawals for my 2015 Roth IRA.
SH: You probably didn't do it right.
Me: Seven withdrawals, six accounts for a total of $6,496. I should have done this in January.
SH: But you are four dollars short!
Me:Big deal. I am not going to get down to pennies. These are all even dollars. In December, I throw in another four bucks.
SH: But it's not exact! When I did mine, I was within ONE PENNY!
Me: What. Ever.
Like   Comment   
  • Debbie, Andrea and Mary like this.
  • SH As usual, you don't care about getting the facts exactly right. I was eight cents short. It wouldn't make sense to be one cent short because that would require an odd number of transactions.
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · 1 hr
    • CF Aaaaaand -- proving my point.
      Like · Reply · 1 hr
    • SH  You're not doing it right. Getting the facts straight is not a skill that's separate from storytelling ability. It is a prerequisite. smile emoticon
      Like · Reply · 55 mins · Edited
    • Gary A true storyteller will modify the facts to better communicate the story. The details are not always important.
      Unlike · Reply · 2 · 34 mins
    • Brian CF is .06 percent off. She would have won both the horseshoe and hand grenade toss.
      Like · Reply · 2 · 9 mins

    • Write a reply...

  • Karen Who came up with this crazy idea of marriage anyway?
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · 56 mins
  • Brunhilda "you are four dollars short!" priceless....... grin emoticon
    Like · Reply · 10 mins · Edited
  • Brian And why is SH investing in corporate America?
    Like · Reply · 7 mins
  • Gary SH, you need to start your own blog. Call it "You're Not Doing It Write"
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · 1 min

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